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Illegal Emotions

by Paul Haworth & Sam de Groot

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1.
I loved you I loved you in dreams where there were men Vanquished giants Men in parked cars Phantom hoofbeats Men in parked cars in darkened corners of car parks Waiting Bad technique is it Is it bad technique To discover if a woman is a witch or not Not rich Got all I want Car in the dark At the end of days We don’t change I didn’t choose to be born Lose wars Papa patriarch Don’t blink don’t talk We talked on the phone and there you are They are their own nuclear family Values sainthood Showing us hatred Does it feel too good to be alone Full grown To disown every useless son The sack Give the dog a bone He came back Come back This is comeback Comeback Daddy wants his son back Son back Under a spell of lies Suffering a mother who won’t accept him for who he is Who I am I am always saying sorry To some teacher Community Business leader Need you knee-jerk In and out of work Believing you need the work It was the worst of times Not really These are just the lines I read I bleed I need speed Nightbreed Stampede of illegal emotions A no-show Asocial so-called A loitering with no intent All spent on a smoke-coated cloud I smoke to forget a To get it together Whatever Whatever it takes to make immunity a new disease Ravaging curfew communities Oh yeah Yes please You can see what every life choice meant BCC and torment I pretend I never change That it’s just my way So relax Relate Have a taste What do you think Am I at risk Here’s a list of imagery at night I might like you I might like you Self-sucker You can fuck yourself Don’t forget to give one To everybody else I might like you Self-sucker You can fuck yourself Don’t forget to give one To everybody else I might like you Self-sucker You can fuck yourself Don’t forget to give one To everybody else I might like you Self-sucker You can fuck yourself Don’t forget to give one To everybody else I might like you Like I like your face The way it plays on my feelings Come on come in Four fine deals anything Tainted blood Too thin To say what you see When men meet for unity For one thing that it’s not A job for life A lost cause We’re all men waiting Men in parked cars
2.
Look at that man He’s sad Watch you don’t end up like that Said a career adviser Mr Elder and Wiser Buys a right to a life You can’t afford on a living wage Who puts the rage front-page Who says It’s just a phase It’s just your age This is life It’s not age Poverty failure rejection Poverty failure rejection There’s your hook Take a second look All that’s good Is good for money Got milk Make cream I rub my penis on the face of our queen That’s a wet dream My theme inequality Qualified as competition Degradation obscene When you’re on your knees You tell me what you see Poverty failure rejection Poverty failure rejection You’re lucky You live in the land of the Lord And the Lords of the land land land to the Lords With the landlord laws Lauding their land like the Lord Jesus Christ I need a foot rub I need a rise 1% That’s all I’m asking for Denied All rise for the national anthem Poverty failure rejection Poverty failure rejection Look at me A litany of bad decisions To quote my mum and dad I don’t listen I lack ambition I told mum and dad I’m a symptom of capitalism One system doesn’t ask to be forgiven Doesn’t ask what it takes It makes you glad to hear me say The market responded well to reports today of Poverty failure rejection Poverty failure rejection Don’t look at me Do not enter Depressed diseased job centre Centre of vice Children with lice Men with dogs the size of cars Security guards Panic alarms Phantom limbs Limps Trackmarks A hacking cough Back payments Pick the scab off I’m afraid to sign on Please spare me from Poverty failure rejection Poverty failure rejection Keep looking for copper, robber When all copper has been removed You got recruiters in schools Tutor market rules We be fools for the rule of law Contract Clause I get so bored of the nuts and bolts of my life so-called So I call to devour the power that towers the debt On a zero-hour What do you expect Poverty failure rejection Poverty failure rejection Poverty failure rejection Poverty failure rejection Make some noise If your inbox is full of E-rejection letters If entering your pin fills you with dread If you don’t want to know what your monthly statement said Then make some noise For the cuts Caps Bedroom tax Benefit cards that benefit our plutocracy of HRH VIP-lane dignitaries Pulling down estates Putting luxury homes in their place Driving a crystal-encrusted Mercedes across my face If you’ve had enough Then make some noise Something must be done
3.
Start with a bang On about a gang from a land of inherited estates Abandoned values Stately pace Abandoned values Stately pace Have you seen the state of this police state Piety Religious hate Front-page arms trader Tank Who pays a bank Food bank Booze Binge drink Booze On the news a who’s-who of old bastards Getting away with it again And I’m supposed to give thanks Who to British values British beef British farmer’s daughter on Page 3 Phwoar Tits Goodbye teens Brits abroad You know what that means Deported Never been kissed Teacher teacher On thee our hopes we fix Teach us politics Knavish tricks A Trojan horse for all the hate preachers and oily garchs Mix and a pick of the lonely hearts Which is when the wife starts Integration Gone too far right To the rich Out of sight Out of mind Mine occupied by who to demonise Who has no rights No voice No power Who has no power Rise up Molest the dead Do you like me Nah, not interested Rise up Molest the dead Do you like me Nah, not interested Interest rates House prices By the look on your face we’re in a crisis Born and raised Like this crisis we’re front-page Correction Nothing kills an erection like stepping on a slug Barefoot Oh God And yes, Sir, I am in love In love with the mattress on the pavement Eviction notice That’s entertainment And if you don’t vote For us A plague of locust May sedition hush Late payment Tick toc Crush rebellious Scot Rebellious Scot Your God What gets you off Your sister’s knickers on my head Entertains a sordid guest Anyway up Meal for two Three kings to be Be OBE me Please Men should brothers be One family Not endowed by a Duke Can I be your Companion of Honour Gonna puke on a beans on toast Lads lads Let us raise a glass and make a toast You shagged my Sunday roast To British jobs and British growth Go east Start a war Distort peace Ambassador to the very best of the British defence industry We could leave you be Cold and hungry Available to hire Put a money in a bullet It’s all friendly fire Hiya We beat a team Up to no good Have you seen a Unruly mob I need a cleaner With a bucket and a mop Up at the scene of Unnatural love Love your father homeless Impaled on spikes Your days and nights of pagan sacrifice You’re all benefit scum and parasites Unlucky for some I’m not racist but I’m not racist but When you say this You’re definitely are racist That’s not great In this age Daily hate is a trait of the male Mating Baiting Procreating White British babies Baking Victoria sponge Are you taking the piss You’ve got to be fucking kidding me There is no more boring cake than this
4.
Life is hi-vis All life is is more More of that More And yet you get your answers
5.
Paint your favourite Again again Seers insane I hate you All you feel Is pain your favourite feeling Idea-stealing Feelings change I still hate you Painting arms-dealing fairs You’ve got your memories I’ve got no cares Beware Strange feelings Don’t send me there Where riches bewitch the riches I’m bewitched by the pictures you paint Fiction’s a promise you make Again again Paint worlds where it’s all so easy It’s so sad Who’s had love Had pain Which leads us to the question Where do you get off Soft lines Offerings of bad advice Like That’s nice I’m not blind to the signs I describe my feelings We’re not speaking Shh It’s a secret Meet with the masters Aghast at the moral decay Old master disaster In love with the past What can I say Save it for later, pater On the day we met You said you were a failure Unveil your happy tears Oil varnish veneers The tears of pain How can you explain to me The passing of time to be Fuller in black Painting ballast To a cast of virgins and whores Men’s problems What bores Don’t send me there Seers insane I hate you I still hate you All their laws What-fors and why Why does anyone care what anything means I’m a child enthroned in narrative scenes So paint your favourite Machines savour What you want from the world Is it rapture See how the artist captures the feeling Healing picture on the ceiling Believe in your favourite false god Are you lost Crazy thing is nothing can stop The passing of time We met at mine Now we design excuses Why we do this to ourselves Again again Paint your favourite Portrait of the same mistake Again again We’re all winners When the ways of the world makes a sinner Bad behaviour at dinner In a world of your own Now breathe Oil and thinner’s all you need All you read is self-help books Beginner’s luck See a look that says everything Suspended We swim in the sense this is it So take it Paint your favourite Paint it from memory Fading Feelings changing The colours in a face I’m defenceless Paint your favourite world This is endless
6.
Next Tuesday 00:40
7.
All Lovers 03:42
All lovers are strange lovers Living proof of made-up rules All lovers are one plus another A dream and a dream come true   All lovers at the start of something big Wondering Is this it Is it Or is it a mistake A big mistake Like there’s any other kind One kind rewrite the lines Are your minds made up By the words Oh no You’re wrong You waited too long Now she’s gone You’re alone In boxer shorts Unmade bed Impure thoughts Let’s pretend It worked out different Defences Time well spent Time in present tenses Not pensive on fences It wasn’t meant to be I’m so sensitive We’re just friends The alternative end is   All lovers are strange lovers Living proof of made-up rules All lovers are one plus another A dream and a dream come true   I’m scared Aware Truth or dare I dare you to kiss him I dare you to not listen In the suspense To the better sense that tells you You won’t miss him Missing pieces increases the thesis At least he’s not scared of women I’m scared of women There I said it I’m scared of women real Symbolic Surreal women Sub-atomic Atonement to all women told I’ve really got a lot on at the moment Oh Paul   All lovers are strange lovers Living proo—   Wait for it I pay for it A tour guide to life She would sigh Of course, he was never married The implication being You-know-what-I-meaner Dig deeper, daydreamer Bachelor Grim reaper Keep up with the family values I choose to adore her dimples Remind me of your name Ignore the pain To every impulse I lose my way To hear you say I’m single and ready to mingle A wink Oh my days   All lovers are strange lovers Living proof of made-up rules All lovers are one plus another A dream and a dream come true   Shame You bring shame on the family name This’ll kill your mother Oh mother let me live Holy father let me spread my wings There’s things I want to say Don’t tell me you’re gay Nefarious lies Meet the parents Eat their pies Oh this is lovely, Mrs Lovely Incompatibilise In case of emergency Searching for mercy In second-hand love-at-first-sight On the third or fourth try But what if We never look alike Look right like Heterobombs and baby showers Conformity norms They don’t cut like ours If I was in love like my art Impossible to grasp Everybody just laughs I’m the last of the great romantics Say what Not a box that the Everyman ticks Relationships Make a list of my pros and cons Yeah I get it I’m a column of cons And you were always the one   All lovers are strange lovers Living proof of made-up rules All lovers are one plus another A dream and a dream come true   All lovers are strange lovers Living proof of made-up rules All lovers are one plus another A dream and a dream come true   All lovers at the start of something big
8.
Seel Seel Seel Seel Seel Seel Seel Seel Boys All for one Fall for a voice Her eyes A kiss Girls are like Are you serious Who’s this Guest appearance He’s got some nerve And you’re all a bunch of pervs is what you are A waltz and we are Serenaded by André Rieu I hold you close You whisper in my ear Looks like you’re not from around here, boy And just like that An unjust society Tells you What you want to do Ask for permission Ask for permission It’s true I’ve made some very bad decisions in my life But look at me now Allow me to introduce my wife Christina of Denmark Duchess of Milan You look like a boy But you have ladies’ hands And I am smitten Bitten, once bitten Forbidden love Indeed Identity thieves Protect your identity from cold feet Oh Christina There’s someone I’d like you to meet Ik ben Sam Het plezier is alles mijn Designs on my wife Designs on my wife Could it be Sam’s got Designs on my wife Oh my Why must the course of true love be so hard Ah but it’s never boring We were never yawning Mourning I wasn’t born in the past Page a day and the day is done It’s over, it’s over We’ve only just begun
9.
Yeah yeah I wonder where you are You are The one cold body on the net I am trying to not get used to the silence Any kind of kindness Silence As we ride sleepy-eyed milestones You won’t call I won’t follow The rocks that fall The rifts The cliffs It was all so PG-12 I held your innocence like the fruit of a winter cherry This is difficult, very Undelete every email I didn’t properly read There’s something I fail to see That’s called fate, that is A way to not be interested The heavy hurt To say the word Accept defeat Let’s fill our bodies with disease Mum calls Mum calls Ring ring Mum calling to wish you luck But lately it’s like luck isn’t enough So what’s up I don’t know Just stuff He tells me Like he’s the only one that’s got stuff going Like I don’t understand Not knowing I don’t suffer down Climb clouds Blow smoke When a cloak swings down It sinks like a brick And the mind plays tricks But it sticks to its story Who gets you up in the morning Makes you sorry Makes a vow Solemn Now we lisp and slur And the pictures blur Young lovers A his and a her In a world at war And yeah yeah I still wonder where you are You are unresolved You are out of sight I saw your name Written in white Bordered in black ALL YR GRAVES ARE OPEN Ginsberg wrote that On a portrait of Kerouac Your face a blank Your name lost straightaway Straight face Great days Wasn’t it Can I put my case in Wasting Wait Don’t tell me you’ve got the cloakroom blues I’ve got the cloakroom blues The what-you-gonna-do’s When it all gets too What’s the word When your momma go All you do is wait tables Able alien woman From a city I’ve never heard of In a country I can’t place I can’t place faces Ones you see once and never again Once you feel wanted you move again away You say All places are alike And all earth is fit for burial Fit for burying serial feelings of nothing much Those feelings push the same answers Always just stuff Stuff your stuff You’re all talk Can’t even fill the stalls If your best work’s behind you Why do you get the same rush Rush your lines Like minds And I’m like Who’s next Can I help You can hope My name is And you spoke And it just so happened We both were cained Carved in oak Do you feel my pain Do you smoke Mayhaps in each toke I hope I can rely on you to protect my cloak Here’s what she wrote Ta-ra and ta Wherever you are I hope you’re happy with him And not wondering My God My luck I just don’t trust men Not to mention Men that cry Aye aye I was working today at the National Gallery And I smiled at a man who looked like Hugh Bonneville Was it him I’m not sure I think it was And the reason I’m telling you this I don’t know I don’t know I don’t know how to make you happy And you don’t know You don’t know You don’t know who Hugh Bonneville is So I plunder my past Trying to make you laugh Or figure the last time we spoke I missed what you said Your voice broke and the line went You look good You’re all mine Your own mind made of smoke You wouldn’t know And I wouldn’t say no So no No no no no No traps, Donatello Clap my head off Before you go off on one About a low And I grow I know stuff I can’t remember I called What for Hot coals Starvation and heartbreak Hot coals I’ll call you first mate Hot coals If I don’t go a hi-di-ho So go, you gallant fools And I’ll take the heartbreak To the underworld To the basement To Paul Westerberg Your ballads are my favourite And I pay for it No patrons make you I paint you portraits of waiters Cleaners Prisoner dreamers Leave us alone or in love Hello, 31 I want you so much Now you’re gone There’s no proof you were here We dissolve in our youth Disappear Inconsole Hide the truth Do you see a decade Do you see a day Made up of loose-cigarette stares Promises unkept in the depths And who cares at last call who you choose When I’ve seen you move Through Nepal, India, Germany, Spain You’re not answering again The call to entertain in plays A maze of feeling Raised by reading the letters we scatter Like confetti initials of a name But whose Who’s to gather the matters the ladders A crane of longevity seekers Same old Same old Age and weakness Clear this mind I’ll be no charity case So let’s be kind As we discover we’re sad and dumb And run these waters into one To one To the best To become And if it gets too tough You don’t remember my name Read my name badge, dummy
10.
One one One more Why not What’s more than seasons Will this day give up its secrets You know you don’t know someone Their theme A TV show drops clues in every scene And where it leads Will it make you happy That’s all we want Not breaking news Unconfirmed reports Until eventually, of course, the words they use So now you know Your teen drama Self-harmer Come karma Diminuendo Oh There you go Your own tribute Go deal with it Deal with it Deal in the feelings I don’t want to know Don’t Stop Believin’ I don’t want to know Don’t show me you’re feeling Your leading man Show and tell Real feelings sell Heroine holding you up For one last first kiss Look Here’s what you missed Will you be there Your name in the credits Live on stage Can we restart Rewrite Re-edit Re-cap every character arc A disappearing act How do you keep track No tears I won’t give you that Dance dance So don’t give me that Dance dance What’s your defence Family Friends Your fans Dance dance Your goofy smile School romance What’s your defence Against life you’re always at risk Here’s what you missed Who’s ODing next Who’s got no regrets Mistakes You won’t forget Remember Air guitar drums You won’t forget Remember Forever young in re-runs What becomes past-tense profiles Snap to black You go wild There’s no sense And no comeback So send in the high notes Sing with your eyes closed Clench your fist Here’s what you missed The sweetness and the sorrow The best addiction disease could borrow Fan fiction, hotel suites and all the rest Tomorrow Tomorrow I could make believe The growing pains Never see your face grow up To give way No way to show pain I could say what’s up In hashtag wars All I read are tweets RIP Can we meet Can we meet in my dreams You would see you are loved And you are missed Cory Monteith Here’s what you missed Here’s what you missed
11.
I am teaching myself to remember your name Tom Alice Jude or Jade I made a list Things to do An interlude to self-improve Because I’m into you And we’re still friends Still life and only Ever drunk on buses and trains Always in search of When will I see you again Again a game of hearts in search of Question Are you drunk Lonely Estranged Are all of the above a pisstake Mystic Sage When will I see you again Again a game Where I would walk this way Just to say hi Goodbye, old soul You are cold And I’m over it Over those Easy laughs Obvious jokes Self-pity Diminish in a city of diminishing returns Of yearning Learning to sing dance act Like I’m on the mend When I’m a triple threat And the fact is That we’re still friends Still life and only Just making ends meet Needs must We pretend to be a part of this century So far adrift from where you are You are where you are You are where you are You are where you are You are where you are Like so many Metaphors I don’t have time for I could tell you I’m not performing Not a lot like but liking Billy Corgan LET ME GIVE THE WORLD TO YOU Gary Mark Jess or Jessica Now you’re just guessing Digressing I’m messy Confessing What’s the best way to say it Not be depressing Time was never right For us to be still friends Still life and only Ever drunk on buses and trains I am teaching myself to remember your name

credits

released June 23, 2015

Produced and mixed by Sam de Groot. Mastered by Alan Ward at Electric City, Brussels. Additional vocals on “All Lovers” by Alex Brenchley and Tom Rosenthal. “The Unanswered Question” is a composition by Charles Ives, 1908. Art by Kyle Tryhorn, Lou Buche, Noëm Held & Miquel Hervás Gómez, Harsh Patel, Nathan Antolik, Asta Sillanmikko, Hope and Courage Art, Nadine Schnappinger. Published by TRUE TRUE TRUE, 2015. www.illegal-emotions.xxx

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